turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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