Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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