i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
