The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
why do cheetos always look like penises
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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