I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
