she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
