It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
