P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
