You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
