Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I am mentally ready for anal.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
