Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
