Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
