Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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