dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The best revenge is premature balding
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
