Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
