I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
