Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
