I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize