im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
