Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
