i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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