I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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