Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
40s are totally the cure
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You ruined the universe
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
