I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
