The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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