I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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