her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
