it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
