My girlfriend figured out who you are.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
