I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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