I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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