My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
