Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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