So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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