last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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