So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
