just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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