Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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