so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
