Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
