I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
