it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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