i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
