He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
