4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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