bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
