Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
