My first STD was from a foam party
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
