I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
