i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
