I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
